Browsed by
Month: December 2016

Pouring out what I am

Pouring out what I am

Fate…
guided me into a journey
of the Fourth Way tradition
a theme of my life
that was prearranged
I can see now.

I have searched,
devoted my life
to find the answer to the questions
What am I…?
What is the meaning of life…?
What is this all about…?
with an utter desire to awaken
from this sleep we are in.

I DESIRE TO AWAKE

___

Now the time has come.
I have gained enough for myself,
and “my personal” evolution does not make sense any more.
I simply desire to share
what I have learned,
what I have experienced
through my journey,
with the world,
with the people
who are seeking just like me,
regardless of whether
if you find anything useful in my writings or not.
Because I cannot,
not to do so any more.

I am pouring out what I am.

Birth of inextinguishable awareness

Birth of inextinguishable awareness

‘It’ happened on the night of September 11, 2002. I went to bed around midnight that night. Lying down, a point of orgasm arose from inside my lower abdomen. Then the orgasm spread into my entire body, into every cells of my body…a whole body orgasm. I was filled with orgasmic, intense positive energy. It burnt my entire body.

The orgasm lasted about 20 min. When the orgasm subsided I was totally a different man – transmuted. I was new. I was awake. I was present. And inextinguishable awareness was born in myself.

A person who was there before simply disappeared. A new inextinguishable awareness came in and took over my body.

An enlightenment….so it happened.

‘You’ will not awake

‘You’ will not awake

‘You’ that desiring to awake,
‘You’ that earnestly working on yourself,
‘You’ that making effort to remember yourself, trying not to express negative emotions, and trying not to identify,
‘You’ that feeling noble emotions,
‘You’ that you are perceiving as you,
the person you call ‘I’.

These are still “group of I’s”, perhaps developed to the level of deputy steward or steward through years of work, but still a part of a machine — a machine which believing one day it will awake through all these efforts.

But you are in a true sense a machine.
And a machine will not awake.

Whatever you do, ‘you’ will not awake.
It is not this ‘you’ which will awake.

Struggle of light and darkness

Struggle of light and darkness

enlightenment…

happens as a result of battles inside of you…
light and darkness

feeling and seeing your weakness…manifested….
and feeling…something is not right….

I do not want to be like this….
but…weakness wins…..

seeing myself doing things because of fear…
because of feminine dominance…
while feeling something is not right…

fear of losing control….
control of others, control of what might happen to me, control of energetic balance between friends…
while feeling something is not right…

Struggle of the Magicians…battle of darkness and light

After year after year of battles, weakness…still wins…
feels helpless….

but you did not know….
light was growing stronger inside of you.

One day, the day comes…when you put all your courage, all your might, all your trust, and say
I cannot go on like this anymore.
I choose to surrender…
I surrender to my light…
I surrender to my trust…
I surrender to the forces guiding me…
I surrender to my pureness…
Let it be so if my life collapse because of this…..
Let it be so if I lose friends…..
Let it be so whatever happens because of this.
Let it be so.
But I choose to surrender……to my light.
Suddenly….you find…lightness….freedom….happiness…smile….and love…inside of you.

You encounter weakness yet again…
light struggles…..
wins sometime…lose…still often….
yet light is stronger….
growing stronger…..