During the time of my depression, I came to see that I will not awaken whatever I do, because what is making effort is still a part of the machine, and the machine will not awaken. An realization that the Master needs to come from outside of the machine.

This was not an easy ‘fact’ to accept – the fact that I am in a true sense a machine and therefore there is no way I can ‘achieve’ enlightenment. The enlightenment was up to the hands of god.

It took time but eventually I gave up. I gave up and accepted the fact that I will not awaken. It was a logical conclusion.

This giving up on my enlightenment, the acceptance, gave me a tremendous relief – or release, in fact, – from the greatest identification of my life – a pursuit of enlightenment.

An enlightenment is a gift. It might happen to you, or might not. And it is not something you can achieve.

I clearly understood that the enlightenment, the master, have to come from outside of myself, and all I can do is, to do my best to remember myself, day by day, applying what I have learned, do my work, and help others. And the enlightenment… is up to god.

If it is meant to happen to you, it will happen, and there is no other way.

This was a tremendous let go, giving up totally of “my” enlightenment, a deep acceptance that after all decades of pursuit, the fact that I will not and cannot awake.

The awakening happens not as a result of ‘teachings’, but it is indeed a gift, which needs to be given.